Well I’m home, and it’s been really hard. These past couple of weeks have been some of the hardest of my life (right up there with some of the days during my pregnancy). I miss my father so much. I miss him being him so much already, but now, not knowing if I will ever see him alive again… When I was getting ready to leave I went to say goodbye to my father and just completely broke down. I couldn’t stop crying and saying I was sorry. He asked me to come back in two weeks. I told him I would try, even though I know I won’t be able to. With school, and our financial situation, I just…don’t know. I’m getting behind in school, and it’s stressful. I’m having a hard time with Philosophy because I didn’t have the book with me last week while I was in FL, and you’re required to post on the discussion boards. So I was trying to post, just to continue on peoples ideas, but, I keep getting it pointed out how wrong I am. Jesus.
Nutrition has also been pretty much horrible. I miss last weeks lecture, and we had a quiz last night. I know I flunked it. I read the material and studied, but there were things in there that I know came from the lecture, so I had no idea.
Writing has been fun as well. There are all sorts of papers due, that my professor didn’t tell me about since I was in FL and she just wanted me to spend time with my dad. I have one due tonight, but only noticed because it was on BB. So I started it, and hopefully it’s not too bad. The weather is horrible though, so lets see if I even make it to class tonight, even though I can’t miss another one!
Sonny also ended up in the ICU. When he got to the hospital, the nurse put his g tube down into his lungs instead of his stomach, so the medication they were giving him went into his lungs. So they had to do emergency surgery Monday night to remove that fluid from his lungs. Not forgetting he still has that same problem that he originally went in for. Now he can’t get that surgery for a couple of weeks, and he really needed it. His stomach wouldn’t stop hurting and he was running fevers. I think he is back in a normal room today though.
Things at home have just been, horrible. Erik never wants me, and I used to just let it roll of my back because he was 2, ya know? But now, I just, can’t. If we are in the store he screams if I push the cart because he wants Brandon too. If he is upset about anything he wants Brandon to carry him and screams if I pick him up. He wants Brandon to change his diaper. He wants Brandon to put him to bed. He never wants anything to do with me. It’s, horrible. I don’t know where I’m failing there, but it appears I seriously am. The day I got home, after not seeing me for a week, about an hour after he saw me again, he wanted Brandon.
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